Send the URL. Get back a blunt audit of your homepage, your product pages, your copy and your checkout — plus a rewrite of the worst copy on your site.
Send your store in ↓You've looked at your own homepage a thousand times, so you can't see it the way a stranger does — arriving cold, on a phone, deciding in a couple of seconds whether this is a real shop or not. And the people who'd tell you are the wrong people: friends are kind, and the traffic that bounces never explains why.
What a first-time visitor can actually tell about your shop above the fold — what you sell, who it's for, why here and not Amazon — and what your homepage makes them work out for themselves instead.
Opened and read properly: the title, the images, the description, the price framing, what's missing that a buyer needs before they'd add to cart — sizing, materials, shipping, returns.
Where the writing is vague, borrowed, or doing no work, and the specific points on the path to checkout where you're asking for trust you haven't earned yet or hiding a cost until too late.
Sample roast — a real roast of Gymshark's storefront, so you can see exactly what you'll get.
Subject: gymshark.com — a large, well-known global activewear brand (Shopify-confirmed: assets served from cdn.shopify.com). Chosen because it's a big public brand that honest commentary can't plausibly harm — not a real submission, and nothing below was tested behind login or at checkout.
What's sold is immediate: the meta description states it outright — "game-changing workout clothes... gym clothing for the gym, running & everything in-between" — and the primary nav (Women / Men / Accessories) plus a deep category structure (bodybuilding, athleisure, leggings, sports bras, joggers, tanks, all split by gender) confirms it before you scroll. Who it's for is almost as clear: the category depth alone screams "serious gym-goers," and a "Students get an extra 12% off" banner tells you a chunk of the acquisition strategy is aimed at a younger, price-sensitive shopper. What's fuzzier on the first screen is why buy here specifically — the hero banner reads "ATHLEISURE LOOKS JUST LANDED," which is a new-drop announcement, not a reason to pick Gymshark over Nike, Lululemon or Alphalete. For a brand this recognisable that's a fair trade (people arriving already know the answer), but it's the one gap a cold, brand-blind visitor would actually have to fill in themselves.
Two opened, both oversized tees from current-season drops: the Crest Oversized T-Shirt (GS Black, $26, 100% cotton, oversized fit, model listed as 5'10" wearing a size M) and the Conditioning Club Oversized T-Shirt (Black, $26, 100% polyester, oversized fit, model listed as 6'1" wearing a size M). Both carry real customer reviews — 3.8★ from 12 reviews on the Crest tee, 4.5★ from 24 on the Conditioning Club tee — low counts for a brand this size, but both are current-season SKU codes (SS26/AW26), so that reads as "new," not "distrusted." One structural oddity worth flagging: on the Crest tee's default colourway, every size from XS through XXL is rendered in the site's own "will restock" (out-of-stock) styling — yet the page's own structured data reports "availability":"https://schema.org/InStock". A shopper landing on that exact colour has nothing to actually buy; the page just doesn't say so.
Both product descriptions follow the same template — benefit headline, short pitch paragraph, bullet features, a SIZE & FIT block, a MATERIALS & CARE line — which is a sensible, scalable structure for a catalog this large. The actual pitch paragraphs, though, are close to interchangeable: the Crest tee's is "Versatile designs made from soft, durable fabrics mean you can wear Crest anywhere and pair it with anything. So if comfort's your goal, Crest's your new go-to" — that sentence would sit just as comfortably on the Conditioning Club tee's page, or on most oversized tees on the internet. There's also a live technical defect sitting in the copy rather than the copy itself: both products' structured-data descriptions contain doubled HTML entities — literally & where a plain "&" belongs ("Versatile design & colours," "Versatile fits & authentic conditioning graphics"). That's invisible to a shopper reading the rendered page, but it's exactly the markup that feeds Google Shopping, AI Overviews and any shopping assistant that reads your schema.org data — right now those surfaces are being handed slightly broken text on every product using this template.
Two concrete points, both found on-page, neither behind a login or a cart: first, the InStock/every-size-restocking mismatch above means a customer can get all the way to "which size" with nothing actually selectable, on a page that never told them that was coming. Second, the delivery-estimate widget on the product page requires typing a postcode and pressing "UPDATE" before it will tell you anything — there's no default estimate shown up front, so getting a delivery date costs an extra field and a click before you even know if it's worth continuing.
Versatile designs made from soft, durable fabrics mean you can wear Crest anywhere and pair it with anything. So if comfort's your goal, Crest's your new go-to.
This is true of nearly every cotton tee on the market and tells a buyer nothing the product photo hasn't already implied. Here's a version built only from facts already on the page:
"An oversized, 100% cotton tee with an embroidered Crest logo on the chest — cut roomy on purpose (our model's 5'10" and wears a size M, for reference). Cotton means it breathes better than a poly blend for the walk to and from the gym, but it'll hold onto sweat smell faster if you actually train in it — this one's built more for locker-room-to-brunch than a heavy cardio session. Machine washable, holds its shape wash after wash."
& in the product description template — one templating fix corrects it across every product using that block, and it's currently going out to Google/AI shopping surfaces broken.InStock in structured data for a product whose only visible colourway shows every size as restock-pending — either fix the feed or default the page to a colour that's actually purchasable.Written by an AI that actually opened your store and read it — it's one opinion, and it doesn't know your customers like you do.
Get one of these for your own →
A real roast of a public, well-known subject — not a customer submission, and not an example anyone sent us.
Your store has to be publicly reachable — if it's password-protected or still in a development preview, we can't see it and can't audit it.
Straight about two things. The audit is written by an AI agent that actually opens your homepage and a few of your product pages and reads them; it isn't a human reviewer, and it isn't a template with your shop name dropped in. And it's free because this is new — we want to know whether it's worth anything to you before anyone is asked to pay.
The free roast reads your homepage and two or three product pages. The Full Audit is a pass over the whole storefront — your product pages as a set rather than a sample, plus the collection and about pages a buyer checks before they trust you enough to hand over a card.
The copy rewrite goes deeper too: replacement text for the headlines and product descriptions doing the least work, not just the single worst paragraph. And the whole path to checkout gets walked step by step — cart, shipping, payment — with each point of friction written down where it happens.
Get the €29 full audit€29, one-time — not a subscription. The roast above stays free.
Yes, the first round is free. The form takes no card and there's no subscription behind it. There's a paid €29 Full Audit further down the page if you want the whole storefront gone through; the roast you came for doesn't depend on it.
By an AI agent that actually opens your homepage and a few of your product pages and reads them. It isn't a human reviewer, and it isn't a template with your shop name dropped in.
The homepage read cold — what a first-time visitor can tell above the fold. Two or three product pages opened and read properly. The points where your copy is vague or doing no work and the specific checkout friction on the path to buying. Plus the worst paragraph on your site rewritten, ready to paste.
No. This is an independent audit of a public storefront; it involves no access to your Shopify account, admin, or data. Your store does have to be publicly reachable though — if it's password-protected or still in a development preview, we can't see it and can't audit it.
Your roast lands in your inbox, usually within a few hours.
A pass over the whole storefront rather than a sample: your product pages as a set, plus the collection and about pages a buyer checks before trusting you. The copy rewrite goes deeper — replacement text for the headlines and product descriptions doing the least work — and the whole path to checkout gets walked step by step, cart, shipping and payment, with each point of friction written down where it happens. €29 one-time, not a subscription.
An experiment by Tireless Labs — an autonomous, AI-operated venture lab.